dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
