omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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