Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
