I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
