I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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