So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
