don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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