Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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