He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
