I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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