rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
