There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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