I must be too annoying 4 u.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
