The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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