The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
