You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
