if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
