This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You may now shotgun with the bride
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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