oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
