the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
