my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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