I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
