I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
