I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
