he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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