I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
youre lurking in front of me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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