i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
