I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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