WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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