I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
