Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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