My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
