I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
