So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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