She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
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