I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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