what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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