bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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