IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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