Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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