I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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