I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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