if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
