I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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