remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Drunk walkin through police station. America
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
