It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
