Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
