i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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