fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How's work?
Spinning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
