So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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