I wish life had little blips of pornography
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
